Declining Politely in Japanese

The article of Japanese reminded me of JPN 101 class which reminded me of how Japanese conversational habits demonstrate some of the politeness concepts we’ve been discussing. For instance, Japanese people tend to avoid saying no directly (‘bald’ declining). This is supposed to preserve harmony by avoiding confrontation, at least in theory. Some methods for declining without saying ‘no’ include:

1)      Agree, then give a reason why you must say no.

Would you like more food? –Yes, but since I’m already so full…

2)      Give an ambiguous answer that might be taken as either positive or negative.

Want to go shopping tomorrow? – Maybe.

3)      Say you must consult someone before answering.

Will you buy this? – First I must ask my wife and see what she says.

So the standard way of declining in Japan is to either use indirect hints or to offer ambiguous answers. However these answers are not really ambiguous to other Japanese. They know the other person means ‘no’. However, this can be a problem for Westerners who might interpret the ‘maybe’ as being possibly affirmative. Many American men have been stood up for dates when they didn’t realize that their offer had been politely turned down.